How to Stop Perfectionism: Practical Ways to Break the Perfectionist Mindset Trap
Do these thoughts sound familiar to you?
“I made a mistake, I am such a failure.”
“If I am not the best, there is no point.”
“If you aren’t going to do it right, why do it at all?”
If so, you have fallen into the perfectionist mindset trap.
These are common fears that I hear from my clients in my Texas based online therapy practice. My clients tend to be high functioning and successful. Being a perfectionist has been beneficial to them in many ways. Thier careers have excelled and their life looks pretty good on paper. Deep inside they are stressed, anxious and fear making mistakes and disappointing others. On the outside they are irritable, procrastinating or ignoring other important parts of their lives. They come to me when their perfectionistic tendencies have finally gotten the best of them. We get right to work on cognitive-behavioral therapy.
The way we think impacts everything from our emotions to our behaviors to the goals we reach. The perfectionist mindset is when you think of things in black or white terms. Situations are either good or bad, right or wrong. You have to be perfect or you think you are a failure.
This type of thinking can lead to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It can also cause you to procrastinate, give up too quickly, or not even try something in the first place. Worst of all, it is completely unrealistic and simply is not true!
Here are some ways to change the perfectionist mindset.
Look at the whole picture.
When you make a mistake or fear making a mistake, it feels uncomfortable and easy to hyper-fixate on it. This can make the mistake feel bigger than it is. As you zone in on it, all other information can be dismissed. Don’t just focus on the one thing that didn’t go your way, the one flaw, the one mistake. Pull back and focus on the whole picture. Find what went well, where you succeeded, and what strengths you have. This does not mean stick your head in the sand and pretend everything is 100% fantastic. This means look at the whole picture and acknowledge the good AND the bad. This makes your outlook more balanced.
Focus on Progress, not Perfection.
There is nothing more frustrating when you have a perfectionist mindset than learning something new. Rarely is someone perfect, let alone good at something, when they first try it. This frustration can cause you to want to give up easily, rather than tolerate the discomfort of not doing it perfectly. Or worse, may prevent you from trying it at all. To challenge that, you can shift your focus from perfection to progress. As long as you are practicing the new thing, you will eventually get better. You will progress. Eventually, you can progress so much that you are really good at it!
Embrace Failure.
Failure has an unfairly bad reputation. The fear of failure is one of the reasons people strive for the impossible goal of perfection. We mistakenly believe that perfection equals success. That is incorrect. Perfection is impossible and unattainable. Perfection doesn’t exist. When we set perfection as our goal instead of excellence, we always fall short and feel disappointed. Some of the most successful people I know operate with the mindset to fail fast and fail often. They embrace failure because they know that with each failure they are progressing, learning, and moving closer to their goals. They are moving toward excellence. When you embrace failure as a necessary component of success and excellence, the need for a perfectionist mindset disappears.
Adopting a new way of thinking is not always easy, but it is possible. Your thoughts are only practiced habits and with practice, you can move away from this mindset trap, closer to your goals, and feel happier and more fulfilled.
How Can Therapy Help?
There are many ways that therapy can help. First, it helps to get an accurate diagnosis. Sometimes, there are deeper things going on. Therapy can help you figure out the right course of action for you to take. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is great for helping to identify and challenge perfectionistic thinking, so you can develop healthier beliefs and behaviors like nervous system regulation or boundary setting. EMDR therapy can help you dive deeper and address any underlying trauma that could be contributing to this fear. Exposure-Response Prevention therapy can help to reduce fear around making mistakes.
Perfectionism is likely hurting you more than it is helping you. You can let go of perfection and still be successful. In fact, you may be even more successful if you do. Strive for excellence, but have compassion for yourself as you do. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Schedule your free consultation call to work with me and we can figure it out together. You deserve to have a life that you enjoy. You have worked hard for it!
Need Help Getting Out Of The Perfectionist Mindset Trap? I can help.
